When... you play... everyone... loves you. When you stop... you're alone.
why am i sitting here in the early hours writing things no one wants to read.....because i can't sleep - it's synchronicity again as a movie comes on the tv that resonates exactly with what i'm thinking/feeling right now....perfectly fitting.....i can hear sobbing coming from the hallway - it's a picture crying - hanging crooked on the wall - i've tried to repair it - knocking nails in here and there but bits keep falling off (i shouldn't say that as my mother is the one who really has undergone repair work to her body so she can stay with us and hold us all together) - as always i don't have the right to say it just as i don't have the right to write it or any right place to write it because these things should be kept secret but if it's all you have then it has to be said somewhere and i can only recognize myself in words i've written though sometimes i don't know if it was me who wrote them or someone else and sometimes i even like myself when i read the words and sometimes i want to run screaming from them and have deleted things i can't replace and so full of regret.....the quote above goes so well with the way i feel and i understand the dynamics in this film so well....in fact there's another quote that fits as well:
If you think that being an ordinary person is any easier than being an extraordinary one, you're wrong. If you didn't have that cello to prop you up, you'd be nothing.
my sisters are the chosen ones.....they are the wheat and i am the chaff.....i don't know why - it's so unfair - i didn't want it to be that way - if you have children make sure they're all wheat or all chaff but not both - it's too unfair.....their fine art painting will hang on the walls of galleries....whereas mine will be thrown out as trash - maybe to be used for firewood...it hung only in a dusty hallway in the shadows - crooked - where only i could hear me crying.....and you may say i shouldn't write this - not for public view - but i am a work of art in progress....i need to report the raw thoughts - express my incompleteness - in an attempt to make it acceptable - moment by unique moment - existence is transient - how often do we revisit our moments of 'completeness' at a later date with a desire to revise.....and i am as a child attempting to catch snowflakes - each and every one of them before they melt and disappear - for fear of missing one - i love them all but i can't write them all down....so i'll keep posting my incompleteness full of faults in an attempt to express something honest and of the moment
Never hold back from writing what is in your heart as writing is a cathartic way to get your voice out into the world, even if left unheard.
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