Es ist ein Ros entsprungen

i just heard a version of this in a movie 'the timetravellers wife' - i used to hear this song played on some old records belonging to my latvian grandparents when i was a very young child....it stirs within me some ancient - emotional - perhaps inherited memory - fills me with some awareness of a history contained somewhere within myself....some of which is painful to carry - yet sweet and blessed and cherished as it takes me to the root from where this rose is sprung....is as though it is the voices of my eastern european ancestors - i feel it in my heart - tears fall as petals from the roses....all from the same origin - from the source.....i had difficulty feeling the love tonight - i wanted to ask you if you think that all people are loveable - or if some - such as me - are not - i wish i was loveable - i want what everyone wants - to be loved - and yet i don't think i am loveable...i want to reach higher for that love - is it just a chemical imbalance - could a drug make me loveable? if i wasn't alone i might not feel afraid to try it....it's like i need someone to love me enough to feel safe enough to take something...but on my own i am too afraid to do so....i guess that's the thing about putting oneself in someone else's hands...feeling loved enough to trust someone - i am like the rose reaching for the sun - without it i do not truly have life and yet i know it so i crave it - i cannot sleep blindly on - i want to feel - to taste - to touch - to truly see...but i do not feel beautiful enough or formed enough to let anyone love me - i am afraid of being unloveable