Fleetwood Mac - Dreams [with lyrics]players only love you when they're playing.....people only love you if you're a player

Kate Bush - Watching You Without Me....lonely in the night as ghosts so often are....

Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights - Official Music Video - Version 1......lonely in the night as ghosts so often are

warning

king of the mountain....you will never again melt the ice queens of your creation - not with your lies or your gas-lighting - only the sun can melt us - and then we will take you with us

top of the mountain

top of the mountain....the place where the crystals meet....crystallized thoughts before they melt and run into the river of ideas

King of the Mountain....something i'm working on

King of the Mountain
climbing high
higher and higher
leaving it all behind.....

in search of yourself....

higher and higher
in search of truth and beauty

King of the Mountain
climbing high
will you find yourself

somewhere among the clouds

and if you find yourself
King of the Mountain
what will you be?
a shadow spectre
following
or angel to lead the way?

will you dance in rainbows?
or will your shadows chase you?

Maybe if you see yourself
you could capture your own image
preserved
forever
dancing in rainbows
crowned in haloed glory
King of the Mountain

#JeSuisCharlie a massive unblockage

#JeSuisCharlie has seen a massive unblocking of so much that has been suppressed and repressed for so many for so long - has given so many the courage to overcome suppressed communication - even on a personal level - i have not dared to print or publish my truest deepest truths for fear of hurting family members and for fear of being shouted down and denied - but those whom i have held back for have hurt me more than words can say - but finally some of them have acknowledged it - i suppose that's a sort of step forward - but still doesn't make it right

Je suis Charlie

Je suis Charlie - i will speak my truth - with paint brush or pen - in pictures or words - and not have the truth of who i am twisted or misinterpreted by others

barrier of pain

wheat or chaff, black sheep or white sheep, talented or untalented, wisdom or stupidity, valued or worthless, punished or rewarded, cruel foreign relatives....sometimes you just have to say it or implode, explode, choke, break, never recover......the huge barrier of pain that exists between me and my birth family creates a huge barrier of pain between me and the rest of the world....between me and relationships...between me and happiness....between me and success....between me and love...no matter how accepting or forgiving i try to be i am always filled with guilt and worthlessness....the barrier of pain never fails to provide more 

souls take flight

souls take flight
in the night
wandering free
to find each other

letting go

 i think some part of the brain becomes active in the silent safe peaceful hours which allows all sorts of amazing communications and connections to take place - i have recently come into contact with people across the world without trying but just due to allowing myself to wander unrestricted the uncharted territories of my inner landscape/mind

Archangel Gabriel - 2015 The Year of Discovery

unfinished

lost in the forest of mistakes
stumbling blindly
slashing wildly at things i cannot see
my suit of armor is too heavy
brings me to my knees
wandering
pathless
longing for sunlight in the trees

Hilary and Jackie

quote from 'Hilary and Jackie' movie about Jacqueline du pre

When...

                you play...

                everyone...

                loves you.

                When you stop...

                you're alone.

why am i sitting here in the early hours writing things no one wants to read.....because i can't sleep - it's synchronicity again as a movie comes on the tv that resonates exactly with what i'm thinking/feeling right now....perfectly fitting.....i can hear sobbing coming from the hallway - it's a picture crying - hanging crooked on the wall - i've tried to repair it - knocking nails in here and there but bits keep falling off (i shouldn't say that as my mother is the one who really has undergone repair work to her body so she can stay with us and hold us all together) - as always i don't have the right to say it just as i don't have the right to write it or any right place to write it because these things should be kept secret but if it's all you have then it has to be said somewhere and i can only recognize myself in words i've written though sometimes i don't know if it was me who wrote them or someone else and sometimes i even like myself when i read the words and sometimes i want to run screaming from them and have deleted things i can't replace and so full of regret.....the quote above goes so well with the way i feel and i understand the dynamics in this film so well....in fact there's another quote that fits as well:

 If you think that being an ordinary person

                is any easier than being an extraordinary one,

                you're wrong.

                If you didn't have that cello to prop you up,

                you'd be nothing.

my sisters are the chosen ones.....they are the wheat and i am the chaff.....i don't know why - it's so unfair - i didn't want it to be that way - if  you have children make sure they're all wheat or all chaff but not both - it's too unfair.....their fine art painting will hang on the walls of galleries....whereas mine will be thrown out as trash - maybe to be used for firewood...it hung only in a dusty hallway in the shadows - crooked - where only i could hear me crying.....and you may say i shouldn't write this - not for public view - but i am a work of art in progress....i need to report the raw thoughts - express my incompleteness - in an attempt to make it acceptable - moment by unique moment - existence is transient - how often do we revisit our moments of 'completeness' at a later date with a desire to revise.....and i am as a child attempting to catch snowflakes - each and every one of them before they melt and disappear - for fear of missing one - i love them all but i can't write them all down....so i'll keep posting my incompleteness full of faults in an attempt to express something honest and of the moment 

synchronicity

synchronicity...two people i just thought of before i turned laptop on and they were the first two status's that came up in my newsfeed

love energy

it is so much easier to give love when you recieve love....whatever form it may come in - and so many true love friendships/relationships are denied because they don't fit into the accepted/norm words/categories/sexual/age statuses...just another way of stopping the flow of love energy in this world.

imprisoned

is angry and in tears and may have to write a song or paint a picture to express why - oh - but wait a minute - i don't have time do i ? - i have to get ready to go do my job in the very system that imprisons me.

reality

people tend to deny realities that are too unpleasant for them but it doesnt mean they are not real

hull - city of culture

is there a shortage of mens toilets in hull? walking through the centre of town during my break at 5pm and there's a guy openly urinating in the middle of the street outside of a restraunt - his woman patiently waiting for him - what's going on?? does anyone else find this sort of behaviour offensive or is it just me? is it a new trend?

not much to ask

it's not so much about 'meeting' someone.....it's more about being 'reunited' with someone i was with in some previous existence.....nothing else will do

response to article about loneliness

in a society where social life is based almost solely on sexual attractiveness and status with no encouragement to develop hobbies and interests in anything else it is hardly surprising that older people feel of little or no value and have no interaction with anyone anymore....victims of a throwaway society....thowaway people - and that's all of us - unless we do something to change it

Kali - goddess of anger - my protectoress

Kali - goddess of anger - my protectoress....

my name is Kali Ma....my anger is sticky black as oil on the road.....i rub the black of night into my face - but my eyes stare moon-bright into all that you do....close your eyes and think you are safe but nothing will avert my gaze until you do right by me....i will tolerate neither cowardice nor depravity....my name is Kali Ma....i am watching you

by: Daina Gregory

Kate Bush has made it ok to be a 50 plus woman

Kate has made it ok to be a 50 plus woman - she has shown the world how to become more mature in a grown up way - embracing her beauty- not attempting to look and act 30 years younger than she is to adhere to current pressures of impossible regimes and cosmetic surgery procedures etc - i feel strengthened and happier today after seeing her again - she is a wonderful inspiration and her beauty is true beauty and we love her for it - she stands for all things warm and good - family, nature, creativity, the feminine...she made me feel proud to be a 50 plus woman - in an age when there has been no place for us...now there is!

i will rise again

i will rise again from the ashes of my burnt out self - my name whispered by one who knows me (daina 25/5/14)

my birthday 2013

Thankyou so much for birthday messages - they meant a lot to me and made a real difference to my day - if i haven't replied personally yet i will do as soon as i can but i like to focus on each reply. So we started on Friday - lunch with my daughter - then chill out round the shops and plant indulgence in the garden centre choosing a tree...followed by an unexpected long walk part of the way home as we didn't want to wait for the bus...it was idyllic though...past fields and horses and rabbits and flower gardens and reliving memories of when my parents still lived around there....so plenty of fresh air and exercise to walk off the very indulgent lunch....good conversations that night and the prospect of my long awaited day out to the coast the next day. For the last few years I have wanted to take a ride out on the boat - something I used to enjoy years ago but not managed to do for one reason or another. Big birthday morning - my mom phoned up and sang happy birthday to me...and then I made breakfast for us all before setting out for the coast...me - kat - and dan....got there and parked up and quite a long walk to the harbour for my boat ride....but when we got there we had just missed the one hour ride - the other rides were all three and half hours long until after 5pm - so went for some good food and looking in shops etc....I insisted we found me the biggest birthday badge to wear so people would know it was my birthday - and started getting into the celebrating spirit....bought a couple of inexpensive plants from a market stall and decided we'd better walk back to leave them in the car before boat ride time. I decided that I would walk the journey back barefoot in the sea....it was magical - away from the noise and crowd of the town....walking in that liminal place where the conscious and unconscious meet - feet on the shifting sand but in the warm gentle waves - simultaneously - with the sun smiling down on us - so peaceful in that place where all the elements meet - air - earth - fire - water - perfect balance - harmony.....two of us joined in our linked imaginations and one a walking a little further out - at peace in his own thoughts....time and distance became altered from the noisy crowded mainland as we let our minds drift with the rhythmic ebb and flow of the tide...and suddenly we were almost there - the sky and the sea had been so very blue - but as we walked the last part of the journey the air turned to white mist....we got there in time to see the captain wiping off the sailing times for that day....I tried to explain to him that it was my birthday and that I waited years for this moment - but nature couldn't be persuaded....so I am still waiting for my boat ride - (the captain did suggest I should go and see him boat ride or not though! ;-))....and so....my birthday gifts were these....the peaceful healing and sensuality of nature - re-energized by sun and sea - flowers, bees and butterflies, good food and good company - I am thankful x

Carl Jung

'The knowledge of the heart is in no book and is not to be found in the mouth of any teacher, but grows out of you like the green seed from the dark earth'....Carl Jung

seeds of trust

hopes and expectations - blown away naturally on the breeze or by the breath of human intention - either way - dispersed - scattered - broken - the seeds of trust take time to re-grow

tree planting 20/08/2013

so - we all need something to motivate us to want to jump up and look forward to the day - a relationship or a job we love etc - me? - i planted my tree yesterday and couldn't wait to run off to look at it and see if it's ok and if it grew another leaf etc - dug out the bird feeders and got the special seeds etc - love it! have missed my trees n birds and plants etc - and the uncertainty of how long i'll be here - but so glad i planted my tree - have a serious suspicion that i get on much better with trees n plants n birds than with people - serves my spiritual and creative needs...have often said when i die i will spring up as a field of flowers....if i was settled and financially stable i'd have my secret garden and a dog and a beehive - i definitely want to keep bees like my Latvian grandfather did - that would be such an honour - would love my own home or bit of land to know i would never lose my garden and no one could take it away from me - the planting - growing - nurturing - creating - an extension of myself and being connected to nature

missed opportunities

reaching out for shining souls as distant as stars in the sky falling down as snow and you can't hear me i'm here but you can't see me and so time will take you further from me and love cannot grow maybe next time

celebrate your freedom

when someone lets you down shake them off realise they are less than a speck of dust in the vastness of the universe.... look to a shower of stars in the great night sky breathe in the cool clear air celebrate your freedom

growing up through the mud again

growing up through the mud again and again - there are always the predators and destroyers to battle and overcome before rising up to bloom in full sunlight - remember - every rose has it's thorns to make sure you are worthy of the nectar....the lotus has had a long dark climb to the sun but in triumph she will bloom

she was a river flowing

she was a river flowing alive unfettered free buoyant with words ideas memories journeying source of tears of joy.....

snow falling...like cool clear crystals of hope brightening my day

snow falling...like cool clear crystals of hope brightening my day

i need the light

i need the light - where is the light?.....i pray for the light...please send me light....the light is coming....i see the light...the light is here....reflected on snow...intense white bright light....the light is here...

William Wordsworth

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting: The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar: Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come” ― William Wordsworth

slow progress

am feeling very quiet and withdrawn today....hiding in a room in my mind - (in the words of kate bush)....changing one's thought process's and lifestyle patterns does not happen overnight and is a long and painful process....presently i am as one detoxifying....slowly....painfully.....somehow it will be better eventually but the process of letting go and bits breaking off is like succumbing to a fever of sickness...easier in the warmth of someone's hands

remember i'm a human

my daughter just told me i must go out and have a conversation with another human in order to remind myself that i am a human and remember how to be a human and have a human conversation instead of a keyboard....that's how bad it is !!

facebook asked how i am feeling

How are you feeling, Daina? well facebook - dear old friend - i'm feeling all washed up on the shore of nowhere - actually - how about you..?

isolated recluse longs for cuddle

let's have a cuddle party!!!!...wait a minute...forgot i was an isolated recluse that's afraid of intimacy....well maybe another time then...!

be careful to wear your own shoes

remember the moments of pleasure in order to break the spell.....be free of that which possesses you to walk the wrong path whilst wearing shoes that were never yours....it can be so hard to remove them....

massaged into shape

someone just offered to give me a massage.....wouldn't it be great if you could be massaged into a better shape - sort of rolled out like plasticine and reshaped back to perfection....and enjoy the bliss at the same time!!!

ancient soulvoice and learned language as a barrier to self

i get excited if anyone understands my writing....it comes from somewhere beyond the outer me that is shaped by the world i'm trying to exist in....like some ancient soulvoice that is sometimes difficult to access and sometimes takes over and demands to be expressed.....there is the language we have been conditioned to speak in and the then there is our own language....many have difficulty in accessing their own language....it is learned language as a barrier to self

some people really live....and some people just dream of living

some people really live...and some people just dream of living...and one day i will just disappear into one of my poems and that will be it

unexpressed love

maybe love unexpressed is the real block....not freely giving out the love that is in our hearts blocks the way - whether it is through fear of not being accepted..not being good enough - of being rejected...whatever you say...love is an energy - and produces and creates and enables more energy - and fear of expressing and releasing that love is the block...the heart struggles to find a way to express that love in some form if fear blocks the way....i'll pray the way to clear and allow love to flow

visions on listening to native american music

through the smoke under the stars counterclockwise to dance back the tiime

my vision music....join me there

kindred souls

my heart is a bird that can fly home on site of my loved ones..... knowing they always saw me for who i am... though stifled in this place they knew me on site no explanations needed.... when the time comes they will be waiting for me we will fly home together. x

response to post about gaslighting

yes....i think someone i know is trying to do this to me....and i was rendered mute all my life until i found my writing voice...and yet still someone gaslights me

song words by ......

how can you treat me like a child...? yet like a child i yearn for you.....

rise above it

when things overwhelm me...which is often....i see myself sitting high up somewhere - at the top of a high mountain or somewhere above the clouds where i can look down and see everything from a distance....where the things/people that all seem like huge overwhelming problems are just small parts of a much bigger picture seen from a distance so i can breathe and piece things together and literally 'rise above it'

from Kate Bush

With a kiss I'd pass the key

the person who actually silenced my writing or so long

there is someone i know who would like me to change....to stop writing - to declare myself sick and be medicated - it has made me very very sad and unsure of myself.....there is much i want to change about myself - there is much i actually hate about myself....but if i stopped writing stuff and being who i am on here i'm not sure there would be anything left at all....should i change and become silent to please other people or should i keep on the way i am - there is no rest and it is exhausting when you have to apologise for everything you do or think or say - i used to write my bits on here and on another site - but once more i feel as though i have nowhere to write or live or breathe - exhausted and in darkness is no way to be

the more i work the less i write

the more i work the less i write....the less i write the more alone i am....

each day i will rise again - reach for the light - hold my head upright - believe in goodness

in reply to an animal activists posts

i find your posts agonizing.....thanks for trying to make people see it from our fellow earthling's perspective - through their pain filled eyes - make humanity question why they perceive it as normal that other species are born to be tortured and slaughtered and consumed...so tired of people callously announcing that the food on their plate was full of life only the day before - and expressing their desire to eat 'blue' meat oozing with blood and practically still moving....it scares me that 'human beings' are like this....i don't understand how they can be so callous and unfeeling and cruel....so much as it causes me pain and tears to see these posts it enters my consciousness - you are their voice xx

let me hear a song that sings to my heart

let me hear a song that sings to my heart

DH Lawrence - the moon - and Women in Love

so this has become something of a DH Lawrence night....i was looking for a quote from Women In Love about the way the reflection of the moon upon the water cannot be destroyed - always regathers the scattered fragments and becomes whole again - no matter how many times someone tries to destroy it by throwing stones at it.....the feminine moon 'getting stronger, it was re-asserting itself, the inviolable moon....the strengthened moon, that shook upon the water in triumphant reassumption' - even though shadows obliterate where 'the heart of the moon had been' he who casts the stones sees 'the moon regathering itself....calling back the scattered fragments, winning home the fragments, in a pulse and an effort of return..'.... 'Ursula was dazed, her mind was all gone. She felt she had fallen to the ground and was spilled out, like water on the earth. Motionless and spent, she remained in the gloom'....though aware the 'flakes of light' were 'coming stealthily together....They were gathering heart again, they were coming once more into being. Gradually the fragments caught together, re-united, heaving, rocking, dancing, falling back as in panic, but working their way home again persistently....until a ragged rose, a distorted, frayed moon was shaking upon the waters again, re-asserted, renewed, trying to recover from it's convulsion, to get over the disfigurement and the agitation, to be whole and composed, at peace' (DH Lawrence - Women in Love)....this is how I feel about recent events - I have been silent and invisible as the scattered moon on the water until the scattered fragments begun to re-assert and make their way home to my heart and the center of my being....the pieces will fragment and scatter....and they will always find the way back...and even if they re-assert in slightly different order they will still re-assert to make something slightly different but new....no matter how many times they try to shatter the image of the moon on the water.

nature doesn't stick to the rules and deadlines though....nature is passionate and wild and unpredictable

nature doesn't stick to the rules and deadlines though....nature is passionate and wild and unpredictable

Es ist ein Ros entsprungen

i just heard a version of this in a movie 'the timetravellers wife' - i used to hear this song played on some old records belonging to my latvian grandparents when i was a very young child....it stirs within me some ancient - emotional - perhaps inherited memory - fills me with some awareness of a history contained somewhere within myself....some of which is painful to carry - yet sweet and blessed and cherished as it takes me to the root from where this rose is sprung....is as though it is the voices of my eastern european ancestors - i feel it in my heart - tears fall as petals from the roses....all from the same origin - from the source.....i had difficulty feeling the love tonight - i wanted to ask you if you think that all people are loveable - or if some - such as me - are not - i wish i was loveable - i want what everyone wants - to be loved - and yet i don't think i am loveable...i want to reach higher for that love - is it just a chemical imbalance - could a drug make me loveable? if i wasn't alone i might not feel afraid to try it....it's like i need someone to love me enough to feel safe enough to take something...but on my own i am too afraid to do so....i guess that's the thing about putting oneself in someone else's hands...feeling loved enough to trust someone - i am like the rose reaching for the sun - without it i do not truly have life and yet i know it so i crave it - i cannot sleep blindly on - i want to feel - to taste - to touch - to truly see...but i do not feel beautiful enough or formed enough to let anyone love me - i am afraid of being unloveable

deer

at the moment i am as the deer - happiest in my safe magical forest world - venturing out to the edges of the dangerous human world and totally distressed and bemused by it - things that scare me make me run for cover back to the safety of my own world - to disappear and be unseen seems safest - look into my eyes and you will see the forest there - not the dazzle of lights and competitiveness and ruthless pursuit of money and status

souls and body's

yes....well in a lot of cases it's a pity the souls didn't realize what crappy bodies they were going to be living in - save a lot of apprehension and dissappointment and rejection

so who's up for a mad passionate romp across the moors cathy and heathcliffe style...?

so who's up for a mad passionate romp across the moors cathy and heathcliffe style...?

Matthew 7:6

Ye may not give that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, that they may not trample them among their feet, and having turned -- may rend you Matthew 7:6

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

The thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. I’m tired, tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there; not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart; but really with it, and in it. Catherine Earnshaw (Ch. XV).

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind. Catherine Earnshaw (Ch. IX).

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

Look!' she cried eagerly, 'that's my room with the candle in it, and the trees swaying before it; and the other candle is in Joseph's garret. Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come home that he may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk to go that journey!...' emily bronte wuthering heights

take me to the wellspring

take me to the wellspring where the words are unwritten the music unheard and the visions still veiled - let me lay down on the sweet grass and let them seep through me in the ecstasy of being dragged into consciousness - where it feels like the dewy grass grew right through me and entangled me there - moonlit

frequencies

windows through the frequencies...don't lose focus

clarity...peace...focus...tranquility.......vislualize your own path - don't get lost in the frequencies.

the good thing about writing....

the good thing about writing is that others can choose to read you or not - to stop when they've had enough and resume - or not - you don't have to feel as guilty about boring someone to death or talking too much - it's their choice and less painful or embarrassing than making excuses to quit the conversation

status's

lets try for some peace love happiness serenity hopefullness thankfullness forgiveness abundance prosperity good friends good health and jobs we enjoy!

fresh perspectives needed on how to ride the energy to love and freedom

grateful for life - even if i didn't didn't get it right a lot of the time

art or mental illness

no wonder so many out there would send you straight to a psychiatrist the moment you dare to express your thoughts in writing/art - perhaps they would remove all poetry/art/literature to the realms of mental illness and leave the world with only cold hard scientific facts pictures of charts on walls - surely the written word has always been a therapy of survival against this sort of world - there's a danger of stigmatizing writing/art and repressing people even further afraid of revealing some terrible truth about themselves

freud or poetry

yes, sigmund, your theories are only your theories but which have been used to shape the way we are all supposed to think and behave in this society - people love to read poetry that expresses something that reflects their own inner feelings and were doing quite well before you came along

waiting for solutions

awake n waiting for the morning light - just heard the first birds so it can't be far off -hoping with it will come some solutions

'fall down as the rain...'

floating in between

floating in a weird dark space where writing doesn't exist and nothing will come to the surface....banished to terrible awful tv progs and endlessly repeated quotes on fb - too tired to do anything useful or productive but awake enough to long for something stumulating - welcome morning light and energy and a new day

endless catch-up

i am always in an endless situation of trying to catch-up not able to manage more than a social life on facebook and then there are people endlessly texting or calling to meet up etc and i don't understand this imbalance between those who have too much to do/catchup and those who don't appear to have anything to do or any responsibilities or commitments - doesn't make sense

wasted potential

looking at old photos....i thought i looked so bad in them but now they don't look so bad....and the people there with me - it all looked so perfect - such potential - wasted - thrown away - needs not met and the desire to grow somehow....and now like a plant growing out alone clinging to the cliff edge - takes all just to cling on and survive instead of growing and thriving but still yearning for the sun and all that potential in full bloom

outrageous breakfast fantasy

to share a leisurely early morning breakfast would be such a wonderful partial beginning to the day....here i go with these outrageous fantasies again....

smart about words and clueless about life

' i love that you're smart about words and clueless about life...always in a hurry but never on time' - just heard these words in a movie on tv - can some people love people like this? really? that's the way i am and rather than being loved for it it seems more like some disease that people despise and avoid and definitely don't understand....but of course...that was just a movie - set in canada and usa - a world away - just the product of someone's fantasies

touch is love...love is touch (J L) bring the statue to life

touch is love...love is touch (J L) bring the statue to life

projected self versus physical reality of self

in answer to a friends questioning about the version of self projected on internet dating sites versus the physical reality of self....... i think who we are inside or who we imagine ourselves to be becomes expressed differently in tangible physical reality...i've often thought how on a soul/spiritual level we project ourselves and interact so differently than when we become restricted by physical limitations of appearance and hormones and chemistry....i guess that's why writing/poetry was always so important to me...it allows us to communicate soul to soul on some deeper level - but like it or not we are driven and dictated by the physical bodies we were born into....i often wonder about that too - why some are living in perfect desireable bodies and others live their lives as beautiful souls trapped within not so desireable bodies - like some kind of test or alchemy that measures how beautiful the soul will remain when wrapped in the sort of outer wrapping that can be used and exploited for greed and personal gain - and how beautiful the soul can remain when constantly rejected and misunderstood based on outer appearance....there is this dream of love in all of us....and yet it seems only to be the birthright of the (societally defined) beautiful....and yet i believe we all have equal measures of particular emotions ie love - hate - sorrow - anger - etc - that have to find expression in some way....hence the writers and poets whose emotions are sublimated into their art/poetry....but we are ruled by those with precedence over such things who dictate that to be happy and loved you must be physically beautiful or perhaps rich or successful enough to buy some version of love.....internet dating sites understand this psychology....but i don't at all regret joining the site - i have connected with some of the quality people on there....also - there is an element of attracting like - i have found that the people i have formed some kind of friendship/connections with all mirror me in some way and i them - so it seems there is no getting away from that

floating in a safe place high among the stars

walls and walls and walls of silence....a glass box through which i can still see the stars.....safe from the pain of all touch and feeling....floating in a safe space high among the stars

have faith....don't give up

have faith....keep going forward no matter how slowly....progress....all difficulties will be overcome....you will get through if you keep going and don't give up

sibling rivalry

sometimes the enormous ego's of younger siblings swell up so big there is not enough room within the family for everyone.....the only options are to comply or cut off...to fight results in too many people being injured in the ensuing battle...always the happiness of one at cost of the other

frustration at slow progress

in our moments of nothingness we might crave chaotic excitement - but in our moments of chaotic excitement we might crave moments of nothingness....

summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born

timelessness of unconscious consciousness versus limitations of man made time constructs that rule the waking hours - some of us need more time drifting growing developing - not yet developed enough to project our unconscious into consciousness

pulled from conscious wakefulness to sleep in unconscious infinity between the stars and sea - why is progress so slow

stretching....growing - new branches of self - endlessly reaching for more growth spurts and hard pruning back....frustration at waiting.....for sun and rain and right conditions....faith patience acceptance

i will blow away like a leaf on the wind free from all unpleasant ties

refuse to wear an age label....make the most of your wisdom but forget the numbers - they are just another way of stuffing us into boxes and slapping labels of expectations on us - time/age measured by man-made constructions....we flow endlessly

summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born

summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born

in our moments of nothingness

in our moments of nothingness we might crave chaotic excitement - but in our moments of chaotic excitement we might crave moments of nothingness....

about David Icke

david icke is just asking for each and everyone of us to own and contribute towards our own truth....we pay licence everyday to tv and media etc that reports it's own version of 'truth' so we buy the lies they feed us...david is simply attempting to encourage us to empower ourselves

here in the lonely night

here in the lonely night full of shadows and fears is there anyone to talk to? as always the answer is no

translated lyrics of main agar kahoon

main agar kahoon......"having found you...i feel i've lost myself"....

lyrics to Kal Ho Na Ho translated

Life changes its beauty all the time Sometimes it’s a shade, sometimes life is sunlight Live every moment here to your heart’s content The time that is here may not be tomorrow One who loves you whole-heartedly It is difficult meet that person If there is someone like that somewhere That person is more beautiful than all Grab onto that (person’s) hand He or she may not be so gracious tomorrow Live every moment here to your heart’s content The time that is here may not be tomorrow Taking the shadow of your eyelashes, when someone comes near You try to reason with your crazy heart Your heart just goes on beating But think, that which is here now That story may not be here tomorrow Life changes its beauty all the time Sometimes it’s a shade, sometimes life is sunlight Live every moment here to your heart’s content The time that is here may not be tomorrow The time that is here may not be tomorrow

lyrics translated from Suraj Hua Maddham

Suraj Hua Maddham "there are many bonds other than friendship....bonds we don't need to understand...bonds that are nameless...that are just to be experienced...bonds that don't have any boundaries...no limits....bonds that bind hearts together...bonds of passion...bonds of love....................................the sun dims into twilight....the moonbeams simmer brightly......i stand still as the earth moves around me....the heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper....is it the call of first love?.....savour these beauteous moments when everything changes....our dreams blend into the realms of reality....i wonder if our love, travelling through centuries.....has bound us it it's silken threads....let this season of love remain eternal....let us meet through lives and lives, like today....the colours of our souls has melted into one................"

Rumi and thoughts on Rumi

yes...this is what i need....someone to drag me along - steal my heart and settle me in their soul....funnily enough wrote something along these lines recently....not for public viewing though.... I've come to take you with me even if I must drag you along But first I must steal your heart then settle you in my soul." ~Rumi

you know when you reach breaking point again and again and again day after day....

you know when you reach breaking point again and again and again day after day....

from The Piano

"She said 'I am afraid of my will of what it will do, it is so strange, so strong,' she said 'I have to go, let me go, let Baines take me away, let him try and save me,'

nothing is so loud and clear as silence...................

nothing is so loud and clear as silence...................

winking and etiquette on the date site....

on here we can 'wink' at each other.....good if you can actually still wink.....it means you are still alive.....and if you're looking for bland flatline personalities then get a doll.....real people have passions and emotions that rise and fall and want to experience life.....well some people do.....usually the ones called women

reaction to criticism of my personality

my spirits will rise fall or be angry as they will....irrelevant of other people trying to cajole them to be in state of bland stasis....shame so many people seem to be looking for flat line personalities that will give them no problems....whatever happened to passion and humour and drama and being alive???????

thoughts about online date site

i think we flow together at certain times and retreat as our moods change and react to whatever's going on around us....the date site is about much more than simply meeting up with people....it makes us examine and question ourselves as contact with different people touches on different aspects of our personality and brings out things we didn't even know were there....really it would be better if there were to periodically be some event so that members could meet and mingle with no pressures....again this problem of isolation and no actual human contact

early hours of the morning

so here i am again....the early hours of the morning but good that i have some real good music on BritAsia TV to keep me company.....searching - finding - lost soul lost in appearance so that none can recognize me....some might hear me....doesn't all gel together so not the right package for any one....myriad aspects of personality caught in reflection momentarily but never enough to hold for more than a moment....here for a limited time only

conversations

multi-faceted and oceans deep.....changing moment by moment and ever the same....all kinds of conversations feeding my soul and helping me grow...hopefully giving back in a reciprocal exchange of energies.....thankyou all xxx

there are many ways of making love

there are many ways of making love....words entwine to form the same poem.....and the soul dances for joy

get's wearisome sometimes....

sometimes it gets a little dim...all this burning alone whilst fearsome winds try to extinguish me get's wearisome sometimes.....

what i long for - some of my favorite words from 'Only You' Sinead O'Connor

what i long for and some of my favourite words from 'only you' sinead o'connor Feels like only yesterday I had locked my heart away Safe behind a castle of stone Sure I'd always be alone

Only you know how To hear me through the silence You reach a part of me that no one else can see Forever true there's only me and only you Only me and you

In your face I trust With you beside me I am standing strong One truth Two hearts You took my life and made it beautiful

So you dared to let me shine Even walk a step behind Willingly you give yourself to me Knowing who I was born to be

Silence - ByThomas Hood 1798-1845 - i read/heard this in the film The Piano - Jane Campion

Silence

By Thomas Hood

1798-1845

THERE is a silence where hath been no sound, There is a silence where no sound may be,

In the cold grave--under the deep, deep sea, Or in wide desert where no life is found, Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;

No voice is hush'd--no life treads silently,

But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free, That never spoke, over the idle ground: But in green ruins, in the desolate walls

Of antique palaces, where Man hath been, Though the dun fox or wild hyaena calls,

And owls, that flit continually between, Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan-- There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone.

Lyrics to Loving Arms

Loving arms - lyrics Written Tuesday at 10:02am

EditDelete If you could see me now The one who said that she'd rather roam The one who said she'd rather be alone If you could only see me now If I could hold you now Just for a moment if I could Really make you mine Just for a while turn back the Hands of time If I could only hold you now I've been too long in the wind Too long in the rain Taking any comfort that I can Looking back and longing for the freedom from my chains Lying in your loving arms again If you could hear me now singing somewhere through The lonely nights Dreaming of the arms that held me tight If you could only hear me now I've been too long in the wind Too long in the rain Taking any comfort that I can Looking back and longing for the freedom from my chains Lying in your loving arms again I've been too long in the wind Too long in the rain Taking any comfort that I can Looking back and longing for the freedom from my chains Lying in your loving arms again I can almost feel your loving arms again

SIXX:A.M. LYRICS - Skin

SIXX:A.M. LYRICS

"Skin"

Paint yourself a picture Of what you wish you looked like Maybe then they just might Feel an ounce of your pain

Come into focus Step out of the shadows It's a losing battle There's no need to be ashamed

Cause they don't even know you All they see is scars They don't see the angel Living in your heart

Let them find the real you Buried deep within Let them know with all you've got That you are not your skin

Oh X2

When they start to judge you Show them your true colors And do onto others As you'd have done to you

Just rise above this Kill them with your kindness Ignorance is blindness They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you All they see is scars They don't see the angel Living in your heart

Let them find the real you Buried deep within Let them know with all you got That you are not your skin

OHHHHHHHHHH

Well they don't even know you All they see is scars They don't see the angel Living in your heart

Let them find the real you Buried deep within Let them know with all you've got That you are not That you are not your skin

Oh X2

prayer

may loving thoughts enfold our sleeping souls... may we awaken - refreshed and re-energized - ready to give and receive

the love we're looking for

surrender

you strike chords... in my heart... deeper than silence... keys resonate echoes loudly within.. i twist and turn from your truth... caught in your net i am forced to surrender... my will unto yours.. until we are still...

broken heart and broken dreams

dream you said so i dared to dream dreams can come true you said so my dream was to be with you let's make it real you said so with one hand on my heart and the other reaching for you i blindly followed all the time knowing i need to be ready to catch my dreams before they hit the floor taking my heart with them and then i'll stand alone clutching my broken torn out heart in my hands clutch it to my chest where a heart is supposed to go and it will go on beating battered, bruised and a little more broken and i have to cradle it in my arms as i know it wants to leave me tired of endlessly beating hoping and waiting for dreams to come true i'll entice it to stay wrap it in words and soothe it with poetry and ask it not to go

until i can no longer follow you

use yellow and red to paint me a sunrise... and the colour of lapis for a lake of blue i'll walk and i'll keep on walking until i can no longer follow you.... then i'll throw petals on the water let them float after you to remind you of the flower's beauty when it was new

once we have shaken off the dust

once we have shaken off the dust and fragments of anger and disappointment and misunderstanding and let them blow away in the wind - all that remains is the original love.....it just got covered over and contaminated - but still remains in constance and permanence

my soul dwells in a place with a warm and fragrant breeze

i just feel myself blowing away with the breeze right now....seems my soul dwells in a place with a warm and fragrant breeze no matter what my present physical reality actually is.....maybe as we get older that final journey home does not seem so far and our soul finds it easier to to take solace there

at night

and at night when poets write and artists paint pictures to each other when souls dare to play and wander free unrestricted and find each other

i'll spin slowly beneath fragrant trees....

I'll spin slowly beneath fragrant trees... scented blossoms drifting slowly on the breeze.... dreaming eyes closed the images of you i've kept in my mind crushed to dust my closed hand slowly releasing glittering streaming through the air to settle and reform as another picture of you.... different as all the rest... once again not knowing who you are but knowing once again it is still you

marry me you said....

marry me you said....and my heart flew around the room crying a thousand times YES!!!!....and my head found reason after reason to say no...but i loved that we shared the fantasy even for a time...that i could be yours and you could be mine......

slipping out of your grasp

i feel myself slipping out of your grasp....you're willingly letting me slip through your fingers....you've decided to let me go because we both know i'm not really what you want....for a moment you felt the warm touch of my hand and it brought all that you were missing flooding back to you...and the sensation was irresistible...and in my eyes you saw yourself and your own loneliness...but once your intoxicated vision began to stabilize you began to see me as i am...and i could never look the way you want....because you already have what you want....i guess i was just there to remind you and send you home

on looking at a classical statue of an angel

beautiful but not all angels look like this.....some are dark and beautiful and know your needs even before you know yourself....and they have a intoxicating and sexy side because they are whole....all is possible for them - they can be as bad as they are good - because all is in their power

the wind

yesterday i was like a horse desperate to jump the fence and run in the wind....today i was out in the wind and wanted to stay there for hours....it wasn't strong enough and want to just let it blow away all the worries and weights and stresses - just stand there in the wind and let it cleanse my spirit...just come home cleansed

i am what i am

i am what i am and i am who i am....i often say or think things that others do not agree with...but i'm tired of being told i am wrong - there is a place for each and every different way of seeing things - just because i don't see things the same way you do does not make me wrong and you right...just a difference of opinions and views....there is a place for all

some words translated from my favourite song kal ho na ho

in the realm of your eyes...should someone get close to you...try a million times to control your crazy heart...but it shall continue to beat wildly....but think it over...this is the moment...this legend might not exist tomorrow.....kal ho na ho...my favourite song from my favourite movie

in response to a post about language and communication

completely and totally agree with that - language is so slippery and holds myriad meanings at the same time as nothing at all....came to realise that when doing degree.....non verbal means so much more....we struggle and struggle to 'drag into consciousnes anything that in any way expresses what we are actually trying to say with the limitations of whatever language thought system we're born into or have access to...no matter if you speak the same language....mostly no one hears or understands each other

who i used to be

on days when i can breathe again i can make gardens grow....trees spring up all around me and birds feel safe in their branches....on days when i can breathe again i can remember me....who i used to be....

love grows

love grows - love ripens - love matures...even love that had to grow on it's own and at a distance.....love's heart still connected...heart to heart and soul to soul....love's energy cannot help but grow no matter how far or how many years

shattered shards of glass

i often have an image of myself shattering and falling to pieces as shards of glass as in this pic....just a heap of shattered shards of glass on the floor...and each time the pieces are regathered in this fashion

reaching for words

i'll whisper 'yes...i can feel the love tonight....and seeing/hearing this reminds me of the truth my consciousness urged me to write the other night but the urge to sleep left it unwritten, unsaid....so i will reach for my pen and try to access those words again for this part of the story...

the truth is in a teardrop

the truth is in a teardrop....in the end we will all run into the sea when we escape the bodies we are imprisoned in

the thing about having shamanic tendencies

the thing about having shamanic tendencies is that you are always the one who has to experience and plunge down into the problems - bringing them to light and surface in order to expose them and discover the solutions.....can be so annoying for everyone around unless they realize this might be what is going on...that some of us have to walk in the shadows and experience the darkness in order to make visible the stumbling blocks and forewarn and forearm - to restore/maintain the balance....what lovers of light sometimes fail to see is that sometimes it is necessary for some to journey into darkness in order to find coals to keep the light burning bright....and to bring light to dark places.....love and peace to all today - may your angels - earth and otherwise - guide you xxx

in my confinement...

in my confinement i longed to plant flowers and reach for the sky and commune with the birds...in my freedom i will crave the solace of a room with no view except for the world of my own

sometimes...the poet alone understands the poem....

sometimes the poet alone understands the poem the artist only interprets the picture only the writer knows what they were trying to say.... the singer sings words and doesn't know what they are saying.. and that's the way it is

yesterday i was bright as flowers...

yesterday i was bright as flowers - my scent was everywhere.....today you'll search for my voice in a statue - as though i was never there...

my next move must be to a disused library full of empty shelves...

so it's decided....my next move must be to a disused library full of empty shelves ready for me to fill with my own library of books - am overwhelmed in the middle room trying to decide how to fit them in - thinking can i let any of them go - they have all been my best friends and teachers and contain the words and voices of kindred souls - and on occasion have brought solace and guidance to friends/family in need - i can think of one that accompanied someone on their journey and brought him much peace and healing - yep the only solution is to move into a disused library....

Beautiful One...

Beautiful One.... from your eyes i avert my gaze... not worthy to be viewed by beauty such as you...r's.... your love and your light and your beauty shine through you casting light upon my imperfections.... my child's-heart cries out with longing to be as pure and perfect as you are... that you might love me too - the way that i love you Beautiful One....

inspired and written to accompany a wonderful piece of artwork by a friend....

riding on this crest of love and believing we are all one from art to art from heart to heart in flowing pictures and words i am you and you are me all just part of a flowing sea drifting...dreaming in universal flow..... if we know this they can't fracture the frequency fragmenting - distorting the mirror in which we think we can see.... riding on this crest of love knowing we are all one

vision

we will meet in the place of the bonfires underneath the stars arms outstretched to the heavens we will be joined in Great Spirit we will chant the words of our spiritual ancestors we will walk the path of truth we will circle in spirit and dance our steps to freedom worries and weights shall fall away we will see through the smoke of illusion we will raise our vibration and strengthen our frequency we shall be healed and we will find love nothing can stop us when we meet in the place of the bonfires underneath the stars....

in awe of my beloved

i am afraid to look
eye to eye into the eyes of my beloved... for fear my heart and eyes would burn and rivers of tears would fall my heart might stop from drumbeat to silence so deep is my love for thee.... the strength and vibrational frequency of the soul who is my beloved leaves me unable to stand such is the strength of his love his vision so clear it could cut like a knife those who are not ready

After seeing David Icke at Wembley October 28th 2012

i have begun to understand.. the heart does speak the heart is the transmitter you must listen to the voice of the heart open the heart it will transmit the vibrational energy of truth from heart to mind and enable spirit only then will you awaken and remember who you are