Trying to explain

i frequently need time out - to close my eyes - i am not sleeping - i am delving deep - shifting energies - imagining my surroundings and my future - dragging things into consciousness - sitting among the stars and entering my inner landscape, diving deep into the unconscious.....trying to retrieve things buried deep - dredging up the past, revealing the forgotten, the lost, the hidden....it muddies the waters, disturbs the emotions and brings all sorts to the surface....but once the murkiness clears there might be something shining there - something pure and gold and bright - shining in the light - like a lotus rising all else will fall into place - but it takes time - my time - so frustrating for others who wonder what i'm doing and because i can't explain - a silent inner creative force that works to it's own will and it's own timing, something i long for and yield to as it takes over - at cost of all else