Sunday 6 December 2015
look away
if i were to speak to you in everyday language and shake your hand - it would trivialize the way i feel.....i would need to wear dark glasses so that my eyes would not betray the way i feel towards you....and because i'd be lost in the dazzling brightness of who you are
perhaps then you will know me.......
sometimes i am best seen in the shadow rather than in the glare of crowds and lights, i am not so visible there, it's there you will really see me, in the veil of moonlight and silence, perhaps then you will know me....
'Warsterity' term invented by Zara Nelson
we are living in a society polluted by neo-liberal lies...it infects everything...taints our every breath - clouds our minds and covers all in a sick grey mantle of war and austerity until we struggle to see clearly...but we must rise up through and against this before it's too late
Monday 16 November 2015
Trying to explain
i frequently need time out - to close my eyes - i am not sleeping - i am delving deep - shifting energies - imagining my surroundings and my future - dragging things into consciousness - sitting among the stars and entering my inner landscape, diving deep into the unconscious.....trying to retrieve things buried deep - dredging up the past, revealing the forgotten, the lost, the hidden....it muddies the waters, disturbs the emotions and brings all sorts to the surface....but once the murkiness clears there might be something shining there - something pure and gold and bright - shining in the light - like a lotus rising all else will fall into place - but it takes time - my time - so frustrating for others who wonder what i'm doing and because i can't explain - a silent inner creative force that works to it's own will and it's own timing, something i long for and yield to as it takes over - at cost of all else
Saturday 10 October 2015
Friday 9 October 2015
Sunday 26 July 2015
All That Is Solid ...: Jeremy Corbyn and Hard Left "Infiltration"
All That Is Solid ...: Jeremy Corbyn and Hard Left "Infiltration": The press are not neutral arbiters when it comes to the Labour leadership contest. If they can use the debates between party members as a ...
Thursday 23 July 2015
Between the Hammer and the Anvil: Why?
Between the Hammer and the Anvil: Why?: ... Seems to be the word upon the Sensible pundits' lips this week. Why would Labour Party members want to vote for Jeremy Corbyn, the...
Saturday 18 July 2015
AAV: If anyone is behaving like a "petulant child" it's...
AAV: If anyone is behaving like a "petulant child" it's...: The Labour Party business secretary Chuka Umunna has waded into the party leadership debate with some incredibly ill-considered and divis...
Thursday 16 July 2015
All That Is Solid ...: Understanding Jeremy Corbyn's Support
All That Is Solid ...: Understanding Jeremy Corbyn's Support: Is Jeremy Corbyn leading the Labour leadership pack? According to unattributed private polling , yes he is. As we know, polls are never wr...
Sunday 5 July 2015
Thursday 25 June 2015
Tuesday 23 June 2015
Monday 22 June 2015
Tuesday 16 June 2015
some thoughts on problems within the Labour party
we need to somehow find a way to involve people with each other and present a new image of the Labour party. I have always been a Labour supporter but from a distance - it has never occurred to me to approach my local MP with problems i have had - it is Ed Miliband who inspired me more than any other politician ever has and i actually got involved with campaigning for my local MP and so met other members of the Labour party which was a great feeling but i still feel somewhat on the outskirts of it all - i have strongly connected with people on facebook and twitter and have done an immense amount of campaigning and activism through social media. I am a member of the Labour party and of Unite union - and when i heard about the march against austerity in london june 20th i had visions of members going by the coachload and enjoying that feeling of solidarity that i have experienced in the past on marches - to my disappointment i found only one person in the Labour party interested who asked me for any details of transport etc - and after a couple of phone calls to my local Unite i was told only one other person wanted to go - and when they checked the list that other person was actually me! - so it seems i am the only person from Hull who will be going - i missed the cheaper travel due to vague promises to take my number and contact me later - so i now have to do the long mega bus journey on my own and stay 2 nights with someone in London so i can attend - Hull is completely Labour now and yet there seems to be so much apathy and disinterest - in my workplace no one seemed to be voting at all or even aware there was an election going on - similarly in local shops etc when i mentioned it - so to say the Labour party is out of touch with voters is an understatement. I thought about my own personal impression of the Labour party and why i had not gotten involved before - as a younger person i saw it as a group of boring older people wandering around knocking on doors and talking about boring things that no one feels any connection with - as an adult i never saw any evidence of anything to do with a Labour party - it was just something on TV which got more interesting during elections - so if even i saw it that way - is it any wonder none voters etc are not interested? So there needs to be much more personal involvement in the community - the way Jeremy Corbyn conducts himself - Ed had a great response when he met and connected with the public - the Labour party needs to become much more visible and a place for people to turn when they have concerns - i even had great difficulty finding the way into our HQ office - difficulties finding the door and getting anyone to let me in etc etc - and didn't know where it was until the election. Why had i never thought of asking my local MP for help during my long years of struggling? i don't know - but i didn't feel much response even when i did get involved - it is as though convincing 'them' the Labour party is the party for them is just a PR exercise - i am one of 'them' who has worked 7 years in a zero hours low minimum wage miserable job - not been eligible for benefits - had high rent to pay - am now in so much debt i will have to go bankrupt of something like it - it has affected my health so i have stress and high blood pressure and other ailments - yet when i mentioned any of that whilst in the company of local MP's and party members i was more or less just looked at blankly and as though i'm a bit mad - something is wrong somewhere - this is not the response i need - i have found much more support and solidarity online - this distant response drives people away. People i have spoken to actually don't know what the Labour party is for - or what it stands for - or what it will do for them - i could tell them that Ed had promised to ban zero hours contracts and tackle inequality and landlords and bedroom tax etc - but now that has all gone - and we are left with candidates stabbing him in the back and distancing themselves from these very real problems and trying to make themselves appealing to Tories and rich businesses - and so called right/centre labour supporters who it seems would really be happier in the tory party if indeed the're not already - there is a theory that the clever tories are pretending to be labour online in order to fool labour into making wrong decisions....so this is part of my experience at the moment - i have worked really hard to do my part in getting Jeremy Corbyn the nominations he needed and completely identify with him and his community based ground level in touch with the people he represents style of politics - and like many others i would have struggled to stay in the party if some 'left' representation had not been accommodated.
Sunday 14 June 2015
comment on the Jeremy 4 Leader Support Group fb page about the fight to get Jeremy Corbyn nominated in the Labour Leadership contest
the wonderful Jeremy 4 Leader Support group page on Fb is almost like the birth of a new community - we have all experienced what it is like to really fight for what we want and not just accept what has been laid out before us - i began that fight before the election for Ed Miliband and I learned a lot from Abby and the Milifandom on twitter - the young really showed us a thing of two about how to use social media to make an impact - for me it is Ed who awoke and unleashed the buried and sleeping socialist soul of the Labour movement and they tried to destroy him for it - but like a pheonix it has risen again from the ashes stronger than ever in our hope Jeremy Corbyn - both Jeremy and Ed are true heroes who have shown us what it is to work together to fight Tory destruction in this constant struggle - a Tory divide and rule society has broken down strength of community - but through social media we have found and connected with each other again - we must build on that and join forces physically in marches and demos and local group meetings etc - unite what they have divided - many thanks to those who started the group
Saturday 6 June 2015
All That Is Solid ...: Saturday Interview: Sue Jones
All That Is Solid ...: Saturday Interview: Sue Jones: Sue Jones is a Labour Party member from Durham by way of Bolton, and has been regularly blogging since October 2012 under the (semi-) nom de...
Tuesday 19 May 2015
Redefining 'Labour'
The Tories know the power of language/linguistics - a lot of people don't identify with the name 'Labour' associating it with some old fashioned and outdated image of manual physical labour when these days much of the 'working class' is working in call centres selling or doing surveys or in shops selling mobile phones etc - as i've said before demographics in modern britain are changing - are the Tories rebranding themselves as The Labour Party when they call themselves the 'Workers Party' ? what is their definition of 'workers' and will it include zero hours contract workers and unemployed many of whom will be forced to work for their benefit - which of course will be of great 'benefit' to wealthy Tory owned businesses!
Sunday 17 May 2015
what do labour supporters think about individual policies and how to choose a leader
i think Labour should take each and every area of policy and ask each and every member what they want - ie a lot of members accept that they are not going to agree with everything put forward by labour - ie whether for or against austerity, for or against referendum and EU etc, and find out exactly what people voting for labour actually support - re-affirm exatly what labour ideology actually is in the face of changing demographics - for how can members decide on a leader if the choice is limited to something they cannot wholeheartedly support? with Ed Miliband i felt i could wholeheartedly support what he was trying to do - i felt i understood what he was trying to do and why he adopted certain policies - we need to hear what leaders are proposing but they also need to hear the views of members and supporters - as well as of those who didn't vote labour at all
Friday 15 May 2015
message to Sue Jones
i am very proud and excited to belong to this particular group of people such as yourself who have the resilience of spirit to keep campaigning for good no matter how battered and bruised by the end of the day but keep on raising up with that inner flame of driving energizing force that flows through and manifests itself as a message of hope and inspiration each and every morning - it is those who are a medium for this force that will ensure that human empathy and compassion will survive....that's what we saw in Ed and we resonated with that same energy which enabled him to walk through hell for us....there is still good in the world but a lot of evil corrupting the human soul and spirit....we must work together in order to strengthen and support each other in this fight until the flame burns bright again
Thursday 14 May 2015
my thoughts on the loss of labour votes
Blair and Prescott were of their time - labour researchers need to carefully study the changing demographics in a changing society - the image of working class used to include lots of manual workers and trades etc....now many working class males as well as females end up working in an endless round of zero hours call centre jobs and selling mobile phones in shops - shifts in the factory have been replaced by shifts in the call centre - a lot of working class people no longer identify with the stereotypical image of Labour....there has been a shift in demographics - nigel farrage has been clever to fool working class britain into believing he represents them with his pint supping image - when i really think he probably loathes them...it's working on the psychology that we all want to imagine ourselves a bit differently than the way we really are - and project ourselves onto some archetype of how we want to be - so nigel's pint supping one-of-the-lads-country-gent standing up for british values and airing working class grievances really appeals to certain sections of the public - these office and shop based jobs are now less qualified than skilled manual jobs - shifting demographics - and all the while wages are so low and hours so uncertain - lots of unskilled jobs being done for very low wages by european immigrants - i can't help wondering if ukip were created by the cameron and co to further divide working class labour votes -so in the end - although we keep saying we are the 99% and they are the 1% - in fact we are split into small inconsequential factions leaving only one unified group with share values - the conservatives.
Sunday 10 May 2015
a jesus of our time -returned to fight for us in our battle against the anti-christ
from Jewish parents - he stood up for the poor and helpless - he gained many followers - he was ridiculed and tormented by his enemies in the ruling elite - he walked through fire and hell and was scourged and crucified - a sacrifice and an example before the people - they slaughtered him and for three days there was silence and his followers wept and mourned - and on the third day he rose again so they would not be alone
fighting the establishment
David Icke has always warned us about all of this so some of us are not surprised at the heartbreaking outcome of this rigged election - we approached it with a human hope for something better yet knowing in our hearts what the outcome would be - yet people still react with scorn at the very mention of his name - those who oppose the evil plans of those who would remove human rights and do what they can to enslave us and start a reduction in the population via austerity measures creating a new definition of humanity that lacks any empathy or compassion - he has done his best to warn us for so long that time is running out - the ruling elite and the media used their usual methods to discredit him in the minds of the sheeple via ridicule - nothing like ridicule for silencing and disempowering someone in the minds of the sheeple -they used the same weapon against Ed Miliband - both David and Ed are brave men who refuse to waver from what they KNOW is right and true and have done their best to change things - they have tried in their own ways to wake us up and encourage us to fight for our own lives - yet still we didn't listen
Thursday 23 April 2015
on connecting with politically like-minded people
connecting with like minded souls - i'm intoxicated - drinking in the wine of their words
Friday 3 April 2015
prayer - posted at christmas 2014
Thankful
for all the times
we are resurrected
again and again
in the strength
and the power
of the love
and thoughts
and prayers
of our loved ones
whose love
is so strong
that it brings us back
from death
to life
time and time again
they keep us living
with each breath
and thought
and gaze
they create our life force
they keep us alive
in their love
and thoughts
and prayers
Sunday 1 March 2015
spring day
looking up at the criss-cross skies i see a plastic carrier bag floating ghostly above the houses...past it's counterparts rattling in the wind-blown branches of the trees...looking down i see the snowdrop bravely standing head bowed amongst the litter that surrounds her.....ghosts.....remnants of the discarded and disposable.....floating homeless and clinging to the bare skeleton branches of the trees.....rattling in the wind - unwanted - sad reminders of what once was and what will be
Friday 6 February 2015
Saturday 17 January 2015
Wednesday 14 January 2015
warning
king of the mountain....you will never again melt the ice queens of your creation - not with your lies or your gas-lighting - only the sun can melt us - and then we will take you with us
top of the mountain
top of the mountain....the place where the crystals meet....crystallized thoughts before they melt and run into the river of ideas
King of the Mountain....something i'm working on
King of the Mountain
climbing high
higher and higher
leaving it all behind.....
in search of yourself....
higher and higher
in search of truth and beauty
King of the Mountain
climbing high
will you find yourself
somewhere among the clouds
and if you find yourself
King of the Mountain
what will you be?
a shadow spectre
following
or angel to lead the way?
will you dance in rainbows?
or will your shadows chase you?
Maybe if you see yourself
you could capture your own image
preserved
forever
dancing in rainbows
crowned in haloed glory
King of the Mountain
climbing high
higher and higher
leaving it all behind.....
in search of yourself....
higher and higher
in search of truth and beauty
King of the Mountain
climbing high
will you find yourself
somewhere among the clouds
and if you find yourself
King of the Mountain
what will you be?
a shadow spectre
following
or angel to lead the way?
will you dance in rainbows?
or will your shadows chase you?
Maybe if you see yourself
you could capture your own image
preserved
forever
dancing in rainbows
crowned in haloed glory
King of the Mountain
Sunday 11 January 2015
#JeSuisCharlie a massive unblockage
#JeSuisCharlie has seen a massive unblocking of so much that has been suppressed and repressed for so many for so long - has given so many the courage to overcome suppressed communication - even on a personal level - i have not dared to print or publish my truest deepest truths for fear of hurting family members and for fear of being shouted down and denied - but those whom i have held back for have hurt me more than words can say - but finally some of them have acknowledged it - i suppose that's a sort of step forward - but still doesn't make it right
Je suis Charlie
Je suis Charlie - i will speak my truth - with paint brush or pen - in pictures or words - and not have the truth of who i am twisted or misinterpreted by others
Saturday 10 January 2015
barrier of pain
wheat or chaff, black sheep or white sheep, talented or untalented, wisdom or stupidity, valued or worthless, punished or rewarded, cruel foreign relatives....sometimes you just have to say it or implode, explode, choke, break, never recover......the huge barrier of pain that exists between me and my birth family creates a huge barrier of pain between me and the rest of the world....between me and relationships...between me and happiness....between me and success....between me and love...no matter how accepting or forgiving i try to be i am always filled with guilt and worthlessness....the barrier of pain never fails to provide more
Wednesday 7 January 2015
letting go
i think some part of the brain becomes active in the silent safe peaceful hours which allows all sorts of amazing communications and connections to take place - i have recently come into contact with people across the world without trying but just due to allowing myself to wander unrestricted the uncharted territories of my inner landscape/mind
unfinished
lost in the forest of mistakes
stumbling blindly
slashing wildly at things i cannot see
my suit of armor is too heavy
brings me to my knees
wandering
pathless
longing for sunlight in the trees
stumbling blindly
slashing wildly at things i cannot see
my suit of armor is too heavy
brings me to my knees
wandering
pathless
longing for sunlight in the trees
Monday 5 January 2015
quote from 'Hilary and Jackie' movie about Jacqueline du pre
When...
you play...
everyone...
loves you.
When you stop...
you're alone.
why am i sitting here in the early hours writing things no one wants to read.....because i can't sleep - it's synchronicity again as a movie comes on the tv that resonates exactly with what i'm thinking/feeling right now....perfectly fitting.....i can hear sobbing coming from the hallway - it's a picture crying - hanging crooked on the wall - i've tried to repair it - knocking nails in here and there but bits keep falling off (i shouldn't say that as my mother is the one who really has undergone repair work to her body so she can stay with us and hold us all together) - as always i don't have the right to say it just as i don't have the right to write it or any right place to write it because these things should be kept secret but if it's all you have then it has to be said somewhere and i can only recognize myself in words i've written though sometimes i don't know if it was me who wrote them or someone else and sometimes i even like myself when i read the words and sometimes i want to run screaming from them and have deleted things i can't replace and so full of regret.....the quote above goes so well with the way i feel and i understand the dynamics in this film so well....in fact there's another quote that fits as well:
If you think that being an ordinary person
is any easier than being an extraordinary one,
you're wrong.
If you didn't have that cello to prop you up,
you'd be nothing.
my sisters are the chosen ones.....they are the wheat and i am the chaff.....i don't know why - it's so unfair - i didn't want it to be that way - if you have children make sure they're all wheat or all chaff but not both - it's too unfair.....their fine art painting will hang on the walls of galleries....whereas mine will be thrown out as trash - maybe to be used for firewood...it hung only in a dusty hallway in the shadows - crooked - where only i could hear me crying.....and you may say i shouldn't write this - not for public view - but i am a work of art in progress....i need to report the raw thoughts - express my incompleteness - in an attempt to make it acceptable - moment by unique moment - existence is transient - how often do we revisit our moments of 'completeness' at a later date with a desire to revise.....and i am as a child attempting to catch snowflakes - each and every one of them before they melt and disappear - for fear of missing one - i love them all but i can't write them all down....so i'll keep posting my incompleteness full of faults in an attempt to express something honest and of the moment
Sunday 4 January 2015
synchronicity
synchronicity...two people i just thought of before i turned laptop on and they were the first two status's that came up in my newsfeed
love energy
it is so much easier to give love when you recieve love....whatever form it may come in - and so many true love friendships/relationships are denied because they don't fit into the accepted/norm words/categories/sexual/age statuses...just another way of stopping the flow of love energy in this world.
imprisoned
is angry and in tears and may have to write a song or paint a picture to express why - oh - but wait a minute - i don't have time do i ? - i have to get ready to go do my job in the very system that imprisons me.
reality
people tend to deny realities that are too unpleasant for them but it doesnt mean they are not real
hull - city of culture
is there a shortage of mens toilets in hull? walking through the centre of town during my break at 5pm and there's a guy openly urinating in the middle of the street outside of a restraunt - his woman patiently waiting for him - what's going on?? does anyone else find this sort of behaviour offensive or is it just me? is it a new trend?
|
not much to ask
it's not so much about 'meeting' someone.....it's more about being 'reunited' with someone i was with in some previous existence.....nothing else will do
response to article about loneliness
in a society where social life is based almost solely on sexual attractiveness and status with no encouragement to develop hobbies and interests in anything else it is hardly surprising that older people feel of little or no value and have no interaction with anyone anymore....victims of a throwaway society....thowaway people - and that's all of us - unless we do something to change it
Kali - goddess of anger - my protectoress
my name is Kali Ma....my anger is sticky black as oil on the road.....i rub the black of night into my face - but my eyes stare moon-bright into all that you do....close your eyes and think you are safe but nothing will avert my gaze until you do right by me....i will tolerate neither cowardice nor depravity....my name is Kali Ma....i am watching you
by: Daina Gregory
Kate Bush has made it ok to be a 50 plus woman
Kate has made it ok to be a 50 plus woman - she has shown the world how to become more mature in a grown up way - embracing her beauty- not attempting to look and act 30 years younger than she is to adhere to current pressures of impossible regimes and cosmetic surgery procedures etc - i feel strengthened and happier today after seeing her again - she is a wonderful inspiration and her beauty is true beauty and we love her for it - she stands for all things warm and good - family, nature, creativity, the feminine...she made me feel proud to be a 50 plus woman - in an age when there has been no place for us...now there is!
i will rise again
i will rise again from the ashes of my burnt out self - my name whispered by one who knows me (daina 25/5/14)
my birthday 2013
Thankyou so much for birthday messages - they meant a lot to me and made a real difference to my day - if i haven't replied personally yet i will do as soon as i can but i like to focus on each reply. So we started on Friday - lunch with my daughter - then chill out round the shops and plant indulgence in the garden centre choosing a tree...followed by an unexpected long walk part of the way home as we didn't want to wait for the bus...it was idyllic though...past fields and horses and rabbits and flower gardens and reliving memories of when my parents still lived around there....so plenty of fresh air and exercise to walk off the very indulgent lunch....good conversations that night and the prospect of my long awaited day out to the coast the next day. For the last few years I have wanted to take a ride out on the boat - something I used to enjoy years ago but not managed to do for one reason or another. Big birthday morning - my mom phoned up and sang happy birthday to me...and then I made breakfast for us all before setting out for the coast...me - kat - and dan....got there and parked up and quite a long walk to the harbour for my boat ride....but when we got there we had just missed the one hour ride - the other rides were all three and half hours long until after 5pm - so went for some good food and looking in shops etc....I insisted we found me the biggest birthday badge to wear so people would know it was my birthday - and started getting into the celebrating spirit....bought a couple of inexpensive plants from a market stall and decided we'd better walk back to leave them in the car before boat ride time. I decided that I would walk the journey back barefoot in the sea....it was magical - away from the noise and crowd of the town....walking in that liminal place where the conscious and unconscious meet - feet on the shifting sand but in the warm gentle waves - simultaneously - with the sun smiling down on us - so peaceful in that place where all the elements meet - air - earth - fire - water - perfect balance - harmony.....two of us joined in our linked imaginations and one a walking a little further out - at peace in his own thoughts....time and distance became altered from the noisy crowded mainland as we let our minds drift with the rhythmic ebb and flow of the tide...and suddenly we were almost there - the sky and the sea had been so very blue - but as we walked the last part of the journey the air turned to white mist....we got there in time to see the captain wiping off the sailing times for that day....I tried to explain to him that it was my birthday and that I waited years for this moment - but nature couldn't be persuaded....so I am still waiting for my boat ride - (the captain did suggest I should go and see him boat ride or not though! ;-))....and so....my birthday gifts were these....the peaceful healing and sensuality of nature - re-energized by sun and sea - flowers, bees and butterflies, good food and good company - I am thankful x
Carl Jung
'The knowledge of the heart is in no book and is not to be found in the mouth of any teacher, but grows out of you like the green seed from the dark earth'....Carl Jung
seeds of trust
hopes and expectations - blown away naturally on the breeze or by the breath of human intention - either way - dispersed - scattered - broken - the seeds of trust take time to re-grow
tree planting 20/08/2013
so - we all need something to motivate us to want to jump up and look forward to the day - a relationship or a job we love etc - me? - i planted my tree yesterday and couldn't wait to run off to look at it and see if it's ok and if it grew another leaf etc - dug out the bird feeders and got the special seeds etc - love it! have missed my trees n birds and plants etc - and the uncertainty of how long i'll be here - but so glad i planted my tree - have a serious suspicion that i get on much better with trees n plants n birds than with people - serves my spiritual and creative needs...have often said when i die i will spring up as a field of flowers....if i was settled and financially stable i'd have my secret garden and a dog and a beehive - i definitely want to keep bees like my Latvian grandfather did - that would be such an honour - would love my own home or bit of land to know i would never lose my garden and no one could take it away from me - the planting - growing - nurturing - creating - an extension of myself and being connected to nature
missed opportunities
reaching out for shining souls as distant as stars in the sky
falling down as snow
and you can't hear me
i'm here
but you can't see me
and so
time will take you further from me and love cannot grow
maybe next time
celebrate your freedom
when someone lets you down
shake them off
realise they are less than a speck of dust in the vastness of the universe....
look to a shower of stars in the great night sky
breathe in the cool clear air
celebrate your freedom
growing up through the mud again
growing up through the mud again and again - there are always the predators and destroyers to battle and overcome before rising up to bloom in full sunlight - remember - every rose has it's thorns to make sure you are worthy of the nectar....the lotus has had a long dark climb to the sun but in triumph she will bloom
she was a river flowing
she was a river flowing alive unfettered free buoyant with words ideas memories journeying source of tears of joy.....
snow falling...like cool clear crystals of hope brightening my day
snow falling...like cool clear crystals of hope brightening my day
i need the light
i need the light - where is the light?.....i pray for the light...please send me light....the light is coming....i see the light...the light is here....reflected on snow...intense white bright light....the light is here...
William Wordsworth
“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come”
― William Wordsworth
slow progress
am feeling very quiet and withdrawn today....hiding in a room in my mind - (in the words of kate bush)....changing one's thought process's and lifestyle patterns does not happen overnight and is a long and painful process....presently i am as one detoxifying....slowly....painfully.....somehow it will be better eventually but the process of letting go and bits breaking off is like succumbing to a fever of sickness...easier in the warmth of someone's hands
remember i'm a human
my daughter just told me i must go out and have a conversation with another human in order to remind myself that i am a human and remember how to be a human and have a human conversation instead of a keyboard....that's how bad it is !!
facebook asked how i am feeling
How are you feeling, Daina? well facebook - dear old friend - i'm feeling all washed up on the shore of nowhere - actually - how about you..?
isolated recluse longs for cuddle
let's have a cuddle party!!!!...wait a minute...forgot i was an isolated recluse that's afraid of intimacy....well maybe another time then...!
be careful to wear your own shoes
remember the moments of pleasure in order to break the spell.....be free of that which possesses you to walk the wrong path whilst wearing shoes that were never yours....it can be so hard to remove them....
massaged into shape
someone just offered to give me a massage.....wouldn't it be great if you could be massaged into a better shape - sort of rolled out like plasticine and reshaped back to perfection....and enjoy the bliss at the same time!!!
ancient soulvoice and learned language as a barrier to self
i get excited if anyone understands my writing....it comes from somewhere beyond the outer me that is shaped by the world i'm trying to exist in....like some ancient soulvoice that is sometimes difficult to access and sometimes takes over and demands to be expressed.....there is the language we have been conditioned to speak in and the then there is our own language....many have difficulty in accessing their own language....it is learned language as a barrier to self
some people really live....and some people just dream of living
some people really live...and some people just dream of living...and one day i will just disappear into one of my poems and that will be it
unexpressed love
maybe love unexpressed is the real block....not freely giving out the love that is in our hearts blocks the way - whether it is through fear of not being accepted..not being good enough - of being rejected...whatever you say...love is an energy - and produces and creates and enables more energy - and fear of expressing and releasing that love is the block...the heart struggles to find a way to express that love in some form if fear blocks the way....i'll pray the way to clear and allow love to flow
visions on listening to native american music
through the smoke under the stars counterclockwise to dance back the tiime
my vision music....join me there
kindred souls
my heart is a bird that can fly home on site of my loved ones.....
knowing they always saw me for who i am...
though stifled in this place
they knew me on site
no explanations needed....
when the time comes
they will be waiting for me
we will fly home together. x
response to post about gaslighting
yes....i think someone i know is trying to do this to me....and i was rendered mute all my life until i found my writing voice...and yet still someone gaslights me
Friday 2 January 2015
rise above it
when things overwhelm me...which is often....i see myself sitting high up somewhere - at the top of a high mountain or somewhere above the clouds where i can look down and see everything from a distance....where the things/people that all seem like huge overwhelming problems are just small parts of a much bigger picture seen from a distance so i can breathe and piece things together and literally 'rise above it'
the person who actually silenced my writing or so long
there is someone i know who would like me to change....to stop writing - to declare myself sick and be medicated - it has made me very very sad and unsure of myself.....there is much i want to change about myself - there is much i actually hate about myself....but if i stopped writing stuff and being who i am on here i'm not sure there would be anything left at all....should i change and become silent to please other people or should i keep on the way i am - there is no rest and it is exhausting when you have to apologise for everything you do or think or say - i used to write my bits on here and on another site - but once more i feel as though i have nowhere to write or live or breathe - exhausted and in darkness is no way to be
the more i work the less i write
the more i work the less i write....the less i write the more alone i am....
each day i will rise again - reach for the light - hold my head upright - believe in goodness
in reply to an animal activists posts
i find your posts agonizing.....thanks for trying to make people see it from our fellow earthling's perspective - through their pain filled eyes - make humanity question why they perceive it as normal that other species are born to be tortured and slaughtered and consumed...so tired of people callously announcing that the food on their plate was full of life only the day before - and expressing their desire to eat 'blue' meat oozing with blood and practically still moving....it scares me that 'human beings' are like this....i don't understand how they can be so callous and unfeeling and cruel....so much as it causes me pain and tears to see these posts it enters my consciousness - you are their voice xx
DH Lawrence - the moon - and Women in Love
so this has become something of a DH Lawrence night....i was looking for a quote from Women In Love about the way the reflection of the moon upon the water cannot be destroyed - always regathers the scattered fragments and becomes whole again - no matter how many times someone tries to destroy it by throwing stones at it.....the feminine moon 'getting stronger, it was re-asserting itself, the inviolable moon....the strengthened moon, that shook upon the water in triumphant reassumption' - even though shadows obliterate where 'the heart of the moon had been' he who casts the stones sees 'the moon regathering itself....calling back the scattered fragments, winning home the fragments, in a pulse and an effort of return..'.... 'Ursula was dazed, her mind was all gone. She felt she had fallen to the ground and was spilled out, like water on the earth. Motionless and spent, she remained in the gloom'....though aware the 'flakes of light' were 'coming stealthily together....They were gathering heart again, they were coming once more into being. Gradually the fragments caught together, re-united, heaving, rocking, dancing, falling back as in panic, but working their way home again persistently....until a ragged rose, a distorted, frayed moon was shaking upon the waters again, re-asserted, renewed, trying to recover from it's convulsion, to get over the disfigurement and the agitation, to be whole and composed, at peace' (DH Lawrence - Women in Love)....this is how I feel about recent events - I have been silent and invisible as the scattered moon on the water until the scattered fragments begun to re-assert and make their way home to my heart and the center of my being....the pieces will fragment and scatter....and they will always find the way back...and even if they re-assert in slightly different order they will still re-assert to make something slightly different but new....no matter how many times they try to shatter the image of the moon on the water.
nature doesn't stick to the rules and deadlines though....nature is passionate and wild and unpredictable
nature doesn't stick to the rules and deadlines though....nature is passionate and wild and unpredictable
Es ist ein Ros entsprungen
i just heard a version of this in a movie 'the timetravellers wife' - i used to hear this song played on some old records belonging to my latvian grandparents when i was a very young child....it stirs within me some ancient - emotional - perhaps inherited memory - fills me with some awareness of a history contained somewhere within myself....some of which is painful to carry - yet sweet and blessed and cherished as it takes me to the root from where this rose is sprung....is as though it is the voices of my eastern european ancestors - i feel it in my heart - tears fall as petals from the roses....all from the same origin - from the source.....i had difficulty feeling the love tonight - i wanted to ask you if you think that all people are loveable - or if some - such as me - are not - i wish i was loveable - i want what everyone wants - to be loved - and yet i don't think i am loveable...i want to reach higher for that love - is it just a chemical imbalance - could a drug make me loveable? if i wasn't alone i might not feel afraid to try it....it's like i need someone to love me enough to feel safe enough to take something...but on my own i am too afraid to do so....i guess that's the thing about putting oneself in someone else's hands...feeling loved enough to trust someone - i am like the rose reaching for the sun - without it i do not truly have life and yet i know it so i crave it - i cannot sleep blindly on - i want to feel - to taste - to touch - to truly see...but i do not feel beautiful enough or formed enough to let anyone love me - i am afraid of being unloveable
deer
at the moment i am as the deer - happiest in my safe magical forest world - venturing out to the edges of the dangerous human world and totally distressed and bemused by it - things that scare me make me run for cover back to the safety of my own world - to disappear and be unseen seems safest - look into my eyes and you will see the forest there - not the dazzle of lights and competitiveness and ruthless pursuit of money and status
souls and body's
yes....well in a lot of cases it's a pity the souls didn't realize what crappy bodies they were going to be living in - save a lot of apprehension and dissappointment and rejection
so who's up for a mad passionate romp across the moors cathy and heathcliffe style...?
so who's up for a mad passionate romp across the moors cathy and heathcliffe style...?
Matthew 7:6
Ye may not give that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, that they may not trample them among their feet, and having turned -- may rend you Matthew 7:6
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
The thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. I’m tired, tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there; not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart; but really with it, and in it.
Catherine Earnshaw (Ch. XV).
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.
Catherine Earnshaw (Ch. IX).
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Look!' she cried eagerly, 'that's my room with the candle in it, and the trees swaying before it; and the other candle is in Joseph's garret. Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come home that he may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk to go that journey!...' emily bronte wuthering heights
take me to the wellspring
take me to the wellspring where the words are unwritten the music unheard and the visions still veiled - let me lay down on the sweet grass and let them seep through me in the ecstasy of being dragged into consciousness - where it feels like the dewy grass grew right through me and entangled me there - moonlit
frequencies
windows through the frequencies...don't lose focus
clarity...peace...focus...tranquility.......vislualize your own path - don't get lost in the frequencies.
the good thing about writing....
the good thing about writing is that others can choose to read you or not - to stop when they've had enough and resume - or not - you don't have to feel as guilty about boring someone to death or talking too much - it's their choice and less painful or embarrassing than making excuses to quit the conversation
status's
lets try for some peace love happiness serenity hopefullness thankfullness forgiveness abundance prosperity good friends good health and jobs we enjoy!
fresh perspectives needed on how to ride the energy to love and freedom
grateful for life - even if i didn't didn't get it right a lot of the time
art or mental illness
no wonder so many out there would send you straight to a psychiatrist the moment you dare to express your thoughts in writing/art - perhaps they would remove all poetry/art/literature to the realms of mental illness and leave the world with only cold hard scientific facts pictures of charts on walls - surely the written word has always been a therapy of survival against this sort of world - there's a danger of stigmatizing writing/art and repressing people even further afraid of revealing some terrible truth about themselves
freud or poetry
yes, sigmund, your theories are only your theories but which have been used to shape the way we are all supposed to think and behave in this society - people love to read poetry that expresses something that reflects their own inner feelings and were doing quite well before you came along
waiting for solutions
awake n waiting for the morning light - just heard the first birds so it can't be far off -hoping with it will come some solutions
'fall down as the rain...'
floating in between
floating in a weird dark space where writing doesn't exist and nothing will come to the surface....banished to terrible awful tv progs and endlessly repeated quotes on fb - too tired to do anything useful or productive but awake enough to long for something stumulating - welcome morning light and energy and a new day
endless catch-up
i am always in an endless situation of trying to catch-up not able to manage more than a social life on facebook and then there are people endlessly texting or calling to meet up etc and i don't understand this imbalance between those who have too much to do/catchup and those who don't appear to have anything to do or any responsibilities or commitments - doesn't make sense
wasted potential
looking at old photos....i thought i looked so bad in them but now they don't look so bad....and the people there with me - it all looked so perfect - such potential - wasted - thrown away - needs not met and the desire to grow somehow....and now like a plant growing out alone clinging to the cliff edge - takes all just to cling on and survive instead of growing and thriving but still yearning for the sun and all that potential in full bloom
outrageous breakfast fantasy
to share a leisurely early morning breakfast would be such a wonderful partial beginning to the day....here i go with these outrageous fantasies again....
smart about words and clueless about life
' i love that you're smart about words and clueless about life...always in a hurry but never on time' - just heard these words in a movie on tv - can some people love people like this? really? that's the way i am and rather than being loved for it it seems more like some disease that people despise and avoid and definitely don't understand....but of course...that was just a movie - set in canada and usa - a world away - just the product of someone's fantasies
touch is love...love is touch (J L) bring the statue to life
touch is love...love is touch (J L) bring the statue to life
projected self versus physical reality of self
in answer to a friends questioning about the version of self projected on internet dating sites versus the physical reality of self....... i think who we are inside or who we imagine ourselves to be becomes expressed differently in tangible physical reality...i've often thought how on a soul/spiritual level we project ourselves and interact so differently than when we become restricted by physical limitations of appearance and hormones and chemistry....i guess that's why writing/poetry was always so important to me...it allows us to communicate soul to soul on some deeper level - but like it or not we are driven and dictated by the physical bodies we were born into....i often wonder about that too - why some are living in perfect desireable bodies and others live their lives as beautiful souls trapped within not so desireable bodies - like some kind of test or alchemy that measures how beautiful the soul will remain when wrapped in the sort of outer wrapping that can be used and exploited for greed and personal gain - and how beautiful the soul can remain when constantly rejected and misunderstood based on outer appearance....there is this dream of love in all of us....and yet it seems only to be the birthright of the (societally defined) beautiful....and yet i believe we all have equal measures of particular emotions ie love - hate - sorrow - anger - etc - that have to find expression in some way....hence the writers and poets whose emotions are sublimated into their art/poetry....but we are ruled by those with precedence over such things who dictate that to be happy and loved you must be physically beautiful or perhaps rich or successful enough to buy some version of love.....internet dating sites understand this psychology....but i don't at all regret joining the site - i have connected with some of the quality people on there....also - there is an element of attracting like - i have found that the people i have formed some kind of friendship/connections with all mirror me in some way and i them - so it seems there is no getting away from that
floating in a safe place high among the stars
walls and walls and walls of silence....a glass box through which i can still see the stars.....safe from the pain of all touch and feeling....floating in a safe space high among the stars
have faith....don't give up
have faith....keep going forward no matter how slowly....progress....all difficulties will be overcome....you will get through if you keep going and don't give up
sibling rivalry
sometimes the enormous ego's of younger siblings swell up so big there is not enough room within the family for everyone.....the only options are to comply or cut off...to fight results in too many people being injured in the ensuing battle...always the happiness of one at cost of the other
frustration at slow progress
in our moments of nothingness we might crave chaotic excitement - but in our moments of chaotic excitement we might crave moments of nothingness....
summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born
timelessness of unconscious consciousness versus limitations of man made time constructs that rule the waking hours - some of us need more time drifting growing developing - not yet developed enough to project our unconscious into consciousness
pulled from conscious wakefulness to sleep in unconscious infinity between the stars and sea - why is progress so slow
stretching....growing - new branches of self - endlessly reaching for more
growth spurts and hard pruning back....frustration at waiting.....for sun and rain and right conditions....faith patience acceptance
i will blow away like a leaf on the wind free from all unpleasant ties
refuse to wear an age label....make the most of your wisdom but forget the numbers - they are just another way of stuffing us into boxes and slapping labels of expectations on us - time/age measured by man-made constructions....we flow endlessly
summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born
summer and light the time of action - winter and darkness the time of dreaming and creativity where poems are born
in our moments of nothingness
in our moments of nothingness we might crave chaotic excitement - but in our moments of chaotic excitement we might crave moments of nothingness....
about David Icke
david icke is just asking for each and everyone of us to own and contribute towards our own truth....we pay licence everyday to tv and media etc that reports it's own version of 'truth' so we buy the lies they feed us...david is simply attempting to encourage us to empower ourselves
here in the lonely night
here in the lonely night
full of shadows and fears
is there anyone to talk to?
as always
the answer is no
translated lyrics of main agar kahoon
main agar kahoon......"having found you...i feel i've lost myself"....
lyrics to Kal Ho Na Ho translated
Life changes its beauty all the time
Sometimes it’s a shade, sometimes life is sunlight
Live every moment here to your heart’s content
The time that is here may not be tomorrow
One who loves you whole-heartedly
It is difficult meet that person
If there is someone like that somewhere
That person is more beautiful than all
Grab onto that (person’s) hand
He or she may not be so gracious tomorrow
Live every moment here to your heart’s content
The time that is here may not be tomorrow
Taking the shadow of your eyelashes, when someone comes near
You try to reason with your crazy heart
Your heart just goes on beating
But think, that which is here now
That story may not be here tomorrow
Life changes its beauty all the time
Sometimes it’s a shade, sometimes life is sunlight
Live every moment here to your heart’s content
The time that is here may not be tomorrow
The time that is here may not be tomorrow
lyrics translated from Suraj Hua Maddham
Suraj Hua Maddham
"there are many bonds other than friendship....bonds we don't need to understand...bonds that are nameless...that are just to be experienced...bonds that don't have any boundaries...no limits....bonds that bind hearts together...bonds of passion...bonds of love....................................the sun dims into twilight....the moonbeams simmer brightly......i stand still as the earth moves around me....the heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper....is it the call of first love?.....savour these beauteous moments when everything changes....our dreams blend into the realms of reality....i wonder if our love, travelling through centuries.....has bound us it it's silken threads....let this season of love remain eternal....let us meet through lives and lives, like today....the colours of our souls has melted into one................"
Rumi and thoughts on Rumi
yes...this is what i need....someone to drag me along - steal my heart and settle me in their soul....funnily enough wrote something along these lines recently....not for public viewing though....
I've come to take you with me
even if I must drag you along
But first I must steal your heart
then settle you in my soul."
~Rumi
you know when you reach breaking point again and again and again day after day....
you know when you reach breaking point again and again and again day after day....
from The Piano
"She said 'I am afraid of my will of what it will do, it is so strange, so strong,' she said 'I have to go, let me go, let Baines take me away, let him try and save me,'
nothing is so loud and clear as silence...................
nothing is so loud and clear as silence...................
winking and etiquette on the date site....
on here we can 'wink' at each other.....good if you can actually still wink.....it means you are still alive.....and if you're looking for bland flatline personalities then get a doll.....real people have passions and emotions that rise and fall and want to experience life.....well some people do.....usually the ones called women
reaction to criticism of my personality
my spirits will rise fall or be angry as they will....irrelevant of other people trying to cajole them to be in state of bland stasis....shame so many people seem to be looking for flat line personalities that will give them no problems....whatever happened to passion and humour and drama and being alive???????
thoughts about online date site
i think we flow together at certain times and retreat as our moods change and react to whatever's going on around us....the date site is about much more than simply meeting up with people....it makes us examine and question ourselves as contact with different people touches on different aspects of our personality and brings out things we didn't even know were there....really it would be better if there were to periodically be some event so that members could meet and mingle with no pressures....again this problem of isolation and no actual human contact
early hours of the morning
so here i am again....the early hours of the morning but good that i have some real good music on BritAsia TV to keep me company.....searching - finding - lost soul lost in appearance so that none can recognize me....some might hear me....doesn't all gel together so not the right package for any one....myriad aspects of personality caught in reflection momentarily but never enough to hold for more than a moment....here for a limited time only
conversations
multi-faceted and oceans deep.....changing moment by moment and ever the same....all kinds of conversations feeding my soul and helping me grow...hopefully giving back in a reciprocal exchange of energies.....thankyou all xxx
there are many ways of making love
there are many ways of making love....words entwine to form the same poem.....and the soul dances for joy
get's wearisome sometimes....
sometimes it gets a little dim...all this burning alone whilst fearsome winds try to extinguish me get's wearisome sometimes.....
what i long for - some of my favorite words from 'Only You' Sinead O'Connor
what i long for and some of my favourite words from 'only you' sinead o'connor
Feels like only yesterday I had locked my heart away
Safe behind a castle of stone
Sure I'd always be alone
Only you know how
To hear me through the silence
You reach a part of me that no one else can see
Forever true there's only me and only you
Only me and you
In your face I trust
With you beside me I am standing strong
One truth
Two hearts
You took my life and made it beautiful
So you dared to let me shine
Even walk a step behind
Willingly you give yourself to me
Knowing who I was born to be
Silence - ByThomas Hood 1798-1845 - i read/heard this in the film The Piano - Jane Campion
Silence
By Thomas Hood
1798-1845
THERE is a silence where hath been no sound,
There is a silence where no sound may be,
In the cold grave--under the deep, deep sea,
Or in wide desert where no life is found,
Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;
No voice is hush'd--no life treads silently,
But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free,
That never spoke, over the idle ground:
But in green ruins, in the desolate walls
Of antique palaces, where Man hath been,
Though the dun fox or wild hyaena calls,
And owls, that flit continually between,
Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan--
There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone.
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