I am not settled.....my things are mostly still in boxes on the shelves - I leave wrapping and labels on pictures etc on the walls - I daren't get rid of boxes because I know I’ll need them for moving again - I just don’t know where or when - it takes me days, weeks, or months to complete any little chore even though I imagine it all in my mind for ages - like living in slower and slower motion - I keep tv on in the living room and laptop on next to the bed all night a lot of the time at low level volume - doesn’t matter what’s on there - it’s just this state of not belonging and not connecting - a friend who writes poetry recently posted a poem about being alone and sleeping on sheet-less mattress with cover less quilt with sink full of unwashed pots and that’s my life exactly - not because I want it that way but because when you're struggling alone a properly made bed and washed pots are a luxury - it’s not easy to care for yourself with lack of energy and depression - but I always care for my foxes though - no matter what x
